Through the Darkness Brightly
Life took a rollercoaster turn around a week ago. Tighly bound as we are in our household, when one element falters we all feel the shift. It’s a story as old as time; you gallop along at a happy pace and then a misstep occurs. Either you fight the ensuing realignment or you surrender gracefully to the inevitable. We had a challenging few days.
In an attempt to loosen the manacles of mental agitation, I took to sitting silently on our sofa for extended periods of time. It is only fair to confess that I was ably assisted by Duke in this endeavour. With a dog’s indomitable sensitivity to emotional disturbance he would climb up and rest as close to me as he could get, and then a bit closer; using his body as a grounding device. During the moments when we sat together his silent bulk would draw out my worry leaving behind a warm calm in an unspoken act of exchange. Perhaps dogs are secret practitioners of mind training; they seem able to use the essence of their being to comfort those whom they love.
I’m often dumbfounded by the speed at which we careen around our physical world whilst being so brutishly severed from one another’s inner landscape. I wonder if as a mother it’s possible to have a sixth sense about your children in this regard; whether the unbreakable bond forged when they were carried in the womb can on occasion be strong enough to shake the dark dream palace of self and establish a tight connection.
When I reflect on the last few days I remember that such a connection can cut both ways. The visceral quality with which the emotions of motherhood are infused can be overwhelming; particularly in difficult situations. Experienced without mindfulness and clear comprehension they can swiftly become entirely self referential. This recent episode has reminded me that severe worry which jumbles the mind is utterly fruitless, serving merely to surrender one further to the sticky tentacles of delusion. However, accepted by a mind which is open and clear, the extraordinary closeness between mother and child can be a gift of the brightest beauty where for an instant the walls between self and other dissolve into open space.
Paradox and confusion reign supreme in our land of broken hearts. The teeming energy of life is boundless, yet our guileful ego keeps us viciously chained in our illusory prison cell. I return to the mind training teachings and feel as I always do like a foolish beggar at the world’s end, lucky enough to have stumbled into a garden of jewels.
