In Memoriam

Casting my mind back, one of my favourite early memories of Joe Ruggiero is from England in 2012. We were already seasoned US residents at that point, or so we thought, having lived in New York for two years. We were all in England that summer for the visit of His Holiness XVII Karmapa. In the midst of a host of joyful recollections, there is Joe, with his beaming smile, wicked sense of humour and infectious delight in everything around him. We shared an instant sense of kinship, a connection that proved as enduring as any can in our world of sorrows. In this life, it ended only with his sudden and tragic departure on Thursday afternoon.

We moved across from East to West Coast early in 2013. Joe, by then one of the key members of the Sakya Samten Ling sangha, quickly became a fast friend of our family. With his huge hearted attitude to the world and its people, he brought us close into his circle for that first year, when we were just beginning acquire our Californian sea legs. I have memories of Thanksgiving and Easter celebrations Ruggiero style; exquisite food amidst elegantly decorated gardens and homes infused with the warmth and generous hospitality so typical of Joe and his family. He also took our son Dominic under his wing. There were beach days galore amidst the sun and the waves. Those early days of our Californian life will forever feature Joe heading out on the sand toward the ocean after Sunday Chenrezik puja with Dom running not far behind.

We were so happy to see him find joy and partnership with the beautiful Joie. We shared in their wedding celebrations at the Lavender Farm on Maui in 2015, when our daughter Clio was just three months old. We spent two memorable weeks with them both at our annual French Buddhist retreat later that year and watched happily as international bonds and connections formed there. During the next several years his family life developed and grew. He and Joie brought two wonderful boys Orlando and Eddie into the world, life was good and full.

Over time our friendship deepened in the way that sangha connections do. As practitioners, we live alongside the timeless truth of the teachings and try in our fumbling and imperfect way to apply them to the hurly burly of our existence. We stand shoulder to shoulder, ageless in our ageing bodies and smile in unspoken recognition and understanding of the tragic comedy of life. Joe always understood the way of things, how the righteous road is narrow and beset by difficulties. He sensed that we continually fail but that we earn our spurs by getting back up into the saddle without missing a beat. For me, he was a shining example of the best of the American spirit.

After the inhuman brutality and separation forced upon family and friends alike all across the world over the past two years, I will always treasure the past few months whenever I think of Joe. With the lifting of the travel restrictions we were finally able to host the visit of Lama Jampa to teach at Sakya Samten Ling in January. After this it was wonderful to see Joe again each week at the centre, whether for pujas or classes. Like so many at this time I suppose, we were able to reconnect properly. I remembered all over again the sweet hearted humility and kindness of this remarkable man who was a genuine follower of the Buddhist path. I looked forward to seeing him at Sunday pujas and my Wednesday mind training classes. His presence added both lightness and warmth to the room and he was always a font of amusing jokes and stories when we sat together afterwards. 

I last saw Joe on Wednesday night at my class. He stayed behind briefly as I closed up and then headed out into the evening with his friend Andy. ‘Good night Joe!’ I called with a smile, unlocking my car as they sauntered down the street; joking about something or other. I drove home thinking about this and that. It occurred to me that we should organise a social event for the regulars at my class soon and I made a mental note to talk to Joe about it when I saw him on Sunday at  Chenrezik puja. 

Now it is Sunday. We did gather for Chenrezik puja this morning but Joe was no longer physically with us. Instead his mind is now experiencing the various stages of the bardo (in between state) and we are praying at our centres and Dechen centres throughout the world for his swift rebirth.  As I gaze at his picture, placed as is customary on the shrine, I’m hit by the realisation, fractionally deeper than the last wave, that I won’t be able to ask Joe his opinion on this or that. I smile through the sorrow as I remember all the times I was able to and all the occasions on which I simply enjoyed his company. I wish with all my heart for him to have swift passage and meet the precious truth of the dharma, which he loved so much, in his next life.

Joe was a wonderful husband and father. His sudden and unexpected passing, at the age of 48, leaves behind his wife Joie and their boys Orlando and Eddie. Joe’s endless heart and genuine interest and care for others have left a host of devoted family and friends. We will ensure that his dear ones are loved, cherished and supported in the way he would wish.

The three worlds are impermanent like autumn clouds;

The birth and death of beings is like viewing a dance;

The life of beings is like a flash of lightning

In the sky, swiftly passing like a mountainous waterfall. (Lalitavistara Sutra)